Journey - Chapter 6

You and Your Health is a three-vol­ume set focusing on concerns and questions related to health. I don't remember the first time I pulled it off the library shelf; but, when I did, I did so sur­reptitiously to avoid being asked what I was reading. I know I looked at it several times during high school and col­lege. Browsing through it was not a good expe­rience. Before I look at the article, I have two questions.

First, who is most likely to pick up a reference book to do research on homo­sexuality? I hope you answered, Someone wondering about his or her own experi­ence.

 The follow-up question would be what that person might hope to find there?  I hope you said, Helpful information on the subject.

 This was why I turned to this reference book.

 I should have known from looking at the general index that I was in for a disap­pointment. Under the heading homosexu­ality, there were two subheadings: causes and warnings. In order for you to get a good sense of what reading this article was like for me, I'm going to take you through most of the entry.

 The first sentence reads, “As a teenager you need to be warned against the possibility of becoming involved in a sen­timental crush with someone of the same sex.”

That sentence is a little bit ambiguous. Is it a warning about initiating a sentimen­tal crush or being lured into one? Any con­fusion was quickly cleared up. The article immediately moved in the direction of cau­tion about being lured by the homosexual.

Remember, I was in my teens and early twenties looking for helpful information when I read:

“A teenager should be on guard when­ever someone of his own sex, perhaps un­der the guise of helpfulness or friendliness, begins to express a sentimental interest. Usually, such a person is a few months or even a few years older than the one being approached. The sentimental interest is sometimes expressed by the writing of love notes, sometimes by the request to sleep in the same bed, sometimes by the expression of jealousy if the person being ‘courted’ spurns the other’s advances.

“A conversation which becomes cen­tered on the sexual functions or a gesture by which someone of the same sex at­tempts to explore the intimate parts of one’s body should cause a young person to repulse the proffered friendship and, if necessary, seek the help of an older per­son in planning a proper means of self-protection.

“The telltale evidences are quite clear; and, when they appear, they should be warning enough to keep the teenager from falling into the trap set by someone who identifies himself as a friend but whose motives are to find a partner for homosex­ual intimacies.”

There you have it. In the 1971 edition of You and Your Health, instead of reading something that might have helped me, I read about all the tricks I might use to se­duce a friend.

The shaming continued as the writer expressed puzzlement over how this blemish could exist.

“This development of a personal fond­ness between two women (lesbianism) or between two men (homosexuality) is one of the perversions of love which blemishes society today. How is it that two men can relate themselves to each other as sweet­hearts? Or how can two women become so fond of each other that they lose their natural desire to be courted by a man? Such attachment is difficult to under­stand.”

The author’s difficulty to understand the nature of this phenomenon was not lost on me. I had been asking myself those how-is-it-that questions for a decade al­ready. While I could deal with the author’s bewilderment, it was his authoritative opinion that I was a blemish that wounded me deeply.

The only other reference I had for be­ing a blemish was a Biblical one. I knew that in the Old Testament no blind or lame man, no hunchback or dwarf, no man with a mutilated face or crushed testicle could “come near to offer the Lord’s offering.” As well, I knew the little lambs were reject­ed as offerings to the Lord because of some defective blemish.

Intellectually, I understood that these descendants of Aaron were not permitted to serve in the temple with a blemish be­cause they were representing God and their defect marred that representation. Emotionally, however, it was very hard not to feel the sting of this exclusion personal­ly.

The article did touch on some of the typical explanations of cause: the failure to develop normally; a traumatic experience at an important stage of development – the sudden death of a mother; being overly fond of a parent– a “mamma’s boy” or a “daddy’s girl”; or being introduced to masturbation by someone of my own sex.

Given my background, I could see myself in all of these categories. Many of us could! These explanations were not uncommon for the time and are still expressed today. The list could be stretched the length of my arm. I won’t elaborate on causes now since I will address them later.

I was not encouraged as I continued read­ing. “The tragedy of homosexuality” the article stated, “is that it unfits a person for normal adult living.” This comment was followed by a gloomy prognosis.

“Once a person’s sexual responses have become conditioned to those of his own sex, a normal adjustment in marriage is difficult if not impossible. The cure is dif­ficult. Some psychiatrists go so far as to say the cure of homosexuality is impossible beyond the age of 21 or 22 years. And this should not be taken to mean that the cure is easy before the age of 22. The sexual responses are powerful; and once they have become conditioned to one sex or the other, the conditioning tends to con­trol one’s conduct thereafter.”

As I said, I don’t remember when I first read this, but I would have been closing in on the best-before-date with respect to fixing my orientation. Whether one ac­cepts the cause-and-affect link between homosexuality and trauma in the forma­tive years of childhood or not, this was the one piece of insight I should have listened to. (It should be noted that many LGBT people testify to no traumatic events in childhood.) Had I listened to it, I would not have spent so much time, money, and emotional energy trying to change my orientation. Had the church listened to its own advice, it would have made fewer mistakes in the future with respect to re­parative therapy. However, acknowledging that orientation “tends to control one’s conduct thereafter” is not a sentiment people like to hear.

As I approached the end of the article, there was a feeble call for compas­sion: “A person who manifests homosexu­ality is necessarily a poorly adjusted per­son who actually deserves pity.”

The hint of pity was immediately fol­lowed by a final kick in the gut. “But,” the article continued, “…in manifesting pity, we dare not allow the influence of such a person to endanger the welfare of an in­nocent young person.”

I was that young person! I was looking for answers! Instead, I read about what others should do to protect themselves from me. “A teenager,” I read, “should as­sociate with boys and girls near his own age and participate in a wholesome man­ner in mixed social activities. Following this advice should ensure safety from the in­fluence of someone with homosexual ten­dencies.”

If this were not enough, there was a highlighted box at the edge of the page reiterating the warning signs. In bold let­ters, I read: