Happy month of May!
There has been so much happening in the past few weeks. If you haven't joined in with the presentations, I hope you will check out our YouTube channel and catch up with the recordings there. Both the Washington Adventist University summit and the Adventist Peace Fellowship summit were inspiring, enriching, and filled with wonderful presentations and sermons. I highly recommend spending some time soaking in the presentation. Adventist Today had Kinship's own Ron Lawson for their Sabbath Seminar present on Colin Cook's Quest ministry—one that supposedly could change attendees from gay to straight. Of course, that was false advertising. It was quite an eye-opening presentation. These and many more can be found on our YouTube channel: //www.youtube.com/@SDAkinship" data-cke-saved-href="https://www.youtube.com/@SDAkinship">https://www.youtube.com/@SDAkinship.
It Is with Sadness That I Write This Letter
BY JERRY MCKAY
The 1986 Registered Retirement Savings Plan (RRSP) season took over at work in midwinter. To keep up with the volume of mutual fund purchases, my employer hired temporary staff. That was how I met Judith, a friendly, attractive woman with dark wavy hair. We hit it off immediately. I told her, with some hesitation, about my journey and my work with HA. As Judith worked in theatre, she assured me she was fine with my orientation, that I was not the first gay man she had ever met! We frequently had lunch together and occasionally met up outside of work.
“While together the other evening,” I wrote, “I allowed myself to feel anything that I was aware of.” My reserved personality, dampened by hyperconservative Christian caution, continued to make it difficult for me to relax and feel anything or think about anything sexual related to women. It was always a challenge to just be and linger over thoughts like kissing a woman! Writing as if I were practicing a mindfulness meditation, I continued, “I didn’t resist, but tried to let the thought of kissing her flow in and out of my mind freely.”
Helping Our Faith to Understand and Love
As we watch our top faith leaders react and respond to genuine modern human situations, we see exposed many weaknesses, misunderstandings, and argumentative behaviors. Strong words; but we feel many of the top leaders understand and desire supporting modern loving decisions but are too “weak” to oppose narrow old-fashioned beliefs, which clearly reflect “misunderstandings” in the education and interpretations of biblical translations. “Argumentative” behaviors occur when one or more high-level leaders independently create one-sided committees with targeted purposes without listening and considering valuable and accurate modern information.
Over the past decades, these activities have occurred with many subjects and situations. For us, SDA Kinship, many decisions have been issued and committees have been formed to reject our family “rainbow” members and their families, too. Fortunately, our local church and our friends accepted our gay son, and we never encountered some of the mean and hurtful behaviors that are occurring today.
Toymaker Mattel recently made history with its release of a Barbie doll with Down Syndrome. "This Barbie serves as a reminder that we should never underestimate the power of representation," said Kandi Pickard, president and CEO of National Down Syndrome Society.
Many of our SDA Kinship members are familiar with Carrol Grady, and those who have attended Kampmeeting may have had the opportunity of meeting her in person. Carrol was a pioneer in the Adventist community, advocating for women’s rights and for bringing about a better understanding of what it means for a parent to have an LGBTQIA+ child or loved one. Her book, My Son, Beloved Stranger, was groundbreaking and has been translated into several languages.
It was the first time a conservative Adventist mom and wife of an Adventist pastor and church leader, openly talked about and wrote about her journey of understanding and supporting her gay son. She dearly loved her Kinship family and was like a mother to so many of us. Her quiet and kind demeanor made it easy to talk with her. Personally, I got to know Carrol well because we worked a booth at many Adventist conferences, including the General Conference session in Toronto, before being banned. I well remember her sharing God’s love for His LGBTQIA+ children with anyone who walked past our booth and would listen to her. She was a force to be reckoned with. Carrol was woven into the fabric of Kinship and taught us how important our parents and allies are for Kinship’s ministry.
After a recent fall, Carrol experienced a decline in health and passed away on March 24 in her home surrounded by her loved ones. Although her earthly life has ended, her light and the ministry she started will live on and on in each of our hearts. If you haven’t yet read her book, you can read it online at https://www.sdakinship.org/en/stories or download the PDF. I highly recommend that you pass it on to your parents or family. I’m sure it will resonate with them like it has for so many others.
There will be a memorial service for Carrol at the Bellevue, Washington, Adventist church on May 6 at 4 p.m. Pacific Time (US).
Carrol, may you rest in peace until Jesus calls you from the grave and we will join you in a huge Kinship Kampmeeting under the Tree of Life. We will continue your work and ministry and never let your voice be silenced. Carrol, we love you. Let’s all join and spread the news that God’s love is unconditional for everyone. Carrol often said, “There is a special place in heaven for LGBTQIA+ folks who have endured the rejection and marginalization from the Seventh-day Adventist church.”
As Spring has arrived and we celebrate the resurrection and renewed birth, I hope we can also feel renewed as we bloom and blossom celebrating our genuine selves.
— Floyd Poenitz, President
@KinshipPrez (on Twitter)
Most Adventists grew up listening to sinister prophecies about people coming to take our Bibles. Hence the need to learn our memory verses, so we could defend our faith despite the absence of Bibles. We also heard rumors about Roman Catholics and apostate Protestants who would beat, imprison, and even kill those who insisted on worshiping on the seventh day of the week, God's true Sabbath.
My, how things have changed! Now it's not Bibles that are being banned; it's any book that fundamentalist Christians find objectionable, typically books about racial, gender, and ethnic diversity. State legislators in a frightening number of states are intentionally pushing legislation that would punish school teachers for teaching tolerance about gender orientation with fines and termination of employment.
Things in Africa are even more alarming. Several governments—with the support of Christian leaders (even Adventists)—support laws that seek to prohibit homosexual behavior with imprisonment, corporal punishment, and even death. A time of trouble indeed.
We have to be active and proactive. If we thought we lived in a tolerant, live-and-let-live society, we can think it no longer. People in power are seeking to marginalize those without power. We can't allow them to get away with it.
After World War II German pastor Martin Niemoeller reflected on the complacency that took place during the rise of Nazism: "First they came for the socialists, and I did not speak out—because I was not a socialist. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I did not speak out—because I was not a trade unionist. Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out—because I was not a Jew. Then they came for me—and there was no one left to speak for me."
Jesus spoke about protecting "the least of these" (Matt. 25:40). Everyone should have a voice; and we should use ours to make sure they do.
There is a saying about "best laid plans." Sometimes life throws a wrench into the plans when you least expect it. The Kinship Board has been meeting pretty much via Zoom for the past couple of years. There are some discussions that just are best when they are in person. So we were looking forward to gathering together at a site on the East Coast where one of our allies has a large beach house they offered to us for free. A golden opportunity, until it wasn't. At the last minute, more than half the board could not travel on the planned weekend. So we agreed to go back to connecting via Zoom. At least for now. The key to life is being flexible and open to a scenario different from what we planned. So the in-person discussions will have to wait until another day when we can find a doable solution.
Board meeting is a time when we can look forward to and share what we want Kinship to look like and be doing in five years. My simple answer is much, much more exposure and awareness of SDA Kinship by Adventists around the world. The tricky part is how to accomplish this. If you have suggestions, please send them to me. What would you like to see the goals to be for SDA Kinship? Please drop me a note and share that with me.
Social media is some of the most effective advertising we can do. If you haven't checked out (follow, like, subscribe, forward, retweet, etc.) what Kinship is posting, please do so. We are @sdakinship on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram; and on YouTube we are @sdakinshipint. Check out the Kinship Connects podcasts on your favorite podcast player. Alicia Johnston is producing a weekend YouTube video. Check it out. Also, Kendra has started Season 2 of IMAGEO GEI and she is sharing her relationship with Roxan! A must-hear!
I really want to hear what you feel we need to be doing more of, or differently. Please let me know.
Have a great March! And remember that when plans change, go with the flow and be flexible. Things will probably work out and possibly even better than you had planned for!
— Floyd Poenitz, President
@KinshipPrez (on Twitter)
Thank God for technology! When it works, it's definitely a blessing from heaven. When it doesn't work, well, it's not hard to imagine it coming from that other place.
When COVID closed churches and schools and prevented us from associating with friends and family members, Zoom and FaceTime gave us the means of connecting with others. Even though screen time was not as good as connecting in person, it was better than nothing.
The upside of digital communication is that distance is irrelevant. People on the east coast of the United States can attend Sabbath School and worship services on the west coast. Despite differences in time zones, webinars on dozens of topics are no further away than a computer keyboard. No airline ticket? No problem.
But an on-screen presence will never match in-person communication. The words, "Let us consider how we may spur one another to love and good works, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another" (Heb. 10:24, 25), were written long before COVID or Zoom were imagined. But they reveal an unalterable truth: we need each other.
Kinship is trying to identify congregations throughout the United States and the world that welcome and affirm members and friends of the LBGTQ+ community. Can you help us identify congregations where you feel welcomed and affirmed? Drop me a line and tell me about it. Of course, that will mean getting dressed and driving to a nearby church, but it will help us identify those who are truly welcoming and who just talk about it. You can reach me at
Join me in being one of those who "spur one another on to love and good works."
Dear Kinship Friends,
As the focus on Kinship Awareness Month comes to a close, let’s continue to promote and talk about SDA Kinship and look for opportunities to tell others about SDA Kinship every month. If you have any stories to share about how you spread the good news of Kinship with others during the month, I would love to hear about it.
Homosexuals Anonymous—the Toronto Chapter
BY JERRY MCKAY
I arrived back in Ottawa from Reading, Pennsylvania, the Easter weekend of 1985. The Saturday before I moved to Toronto, I attended church. I started attending this congregation as a child in the mid-1960s. This was the church I always returned to whenever I came home for a visit. Most of the pillars of the church were farmers. Small-town folk made up the rest of the congregation of some forty people. To say everyone knew me was not an exaggeration. That makes it easier to understand how, with no warning as to the subject, when I asked to make an announcement from the front of the church, I was given permission to do so without hesitation.
Motivated by that sometimes-naïve Christian eagerness to “lay the truth out there” in personal witness, I announced I struggled with homosexuality, had attended Quest Learning Center hoping to remedy the problem, and that I was moving to Toronto to begin some kind of ministry.
Kampmeeting is under TWO weeks away. As we are planning to meet in person, the theme is "Together Again". The Kampmeeting team has worked hard to find diverse speakers and create an inspiring program. We are looking forward to seeing our members again, in person. Please visit the the Kampmeeting site at bit.ly/kampmeeting to get more information about speakers.
Registration is $200, and scholarships are still available. Saturday is Families and Friends day and registration for the day is FREE. Lodging information and other details are available on the website.
An Open Letter From a Former Director of Women’s Interests, Former Vice President, Former President, Current Region Coordinator, Current Member At Large Board Member and Current Chair of the Nominating Committee for SDA Kinship International, Inc.
ESCRIBE TU PROPIO GUIÓN
Al crecer, a todos se nos da un guión. Rara vez nos damos cuenta, pero es parte de la educación de nuestros padres y nuestra “familia” de la iglesia. Los guiones nos brindan seguridad y sentido de dirección. En su mayoría, los guiones de vida son algo bueno y nos mantienen a salvo; son necesarios.
NEW! KINSHIP LOCAL WISDOM SERIES
Do you sometimes feel like a linguistic Neanderthal? Are you confused by the terms post-sexual, non-binary, two-spirit, demisexual, and cisgender? Are you old enough that you once thought gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transsexual were four words that covered all the continuum? Would you like to talk about it in a safe place where we will not think we are stupid, be angry with ourselves while we learn, and yet want to know more about the people who form our community? This chat is for you.
Date: December 12, 2021
Date: December 12, 2021
Time: 7 PM EST (USA)
- 6 PM CT (USA)
- 4 PM PST (USA)
One of the most visited memorials in Washington, D.C., has nothing to do with a president or other public figure. The Vietnam War Memorial honors the more than 59,000 men and women who lost their lives in that conflict between the years 1955 and 1975.
Happy Kinship Awareness Month!
A couple of years ago, we voted to make the month of October a time to raise awareness of Seventh-day Adventist Kinship International. Since October 11 is National Coming Out Day, we decided to take the entire month to celebrate and affirm who we are. Some of us can do this publicly and others can certainly celebrate in the safe space that Kinship provides for our community.
"A Victorious Failure"
BY JERRY MCKAY
After Colin’s unwanted sexual advance, one would think I would have fled Reading. Or, at the very least, pulled Keith, Colin’s colleague, aside and proposed an “I’m asking for a friend” scenario. I didn’t. Instead, I was completely silent. I did not speak to Sharon, Colin’s wife. I continued to interact with friends at Quest as if nothing were amiss. I did not call my parents or reach out to Perry who, of all people, expressed concern about my going to Reading.
As well, in the weeks that followed, I said nothing to a string of visitors. My college roommate Kelvin and his wife visited me. Robert came to Reading in the first week of July. My sister spent a week with me at the end of July. While each interacted with Colin, I was silent about the sexual abuse. In fact, I gave the impression that all was well.
"Life At Quest Learning Center"
BY JERRY MCKAY
At 7:30 a.m., March 16, 1983, I boarded a bus bound for Reading, Pennsylvania. Six hours later, I was back at the Ottawa bus station!
Expecting problems with border security about my stay in the United States, Colin had prepared two letters. The first letter read:
TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN,
A Week at Quest Learning Center
BY JERRY MCKAY
By the end of the first week of September 1982, I had decided to relocate to Pennsylvania for counseling. The first thing I had to do was to call Perry in Japan, because my decision would require his finding a teacher to replace me on short notice. At $3.00 per minute, our call was brief. Perry said that any inconvenience my decision might cause did not concern him. Rather, he was concerned for me. After sharing a few details about my visit with Colin, I thought I had put Perry’s reservations to rest. That was not the case. Two days later, Perry called back.
Perry feared that my life—in fact, my whole identity—would become organized around homosexuality instead of a bigger paradigm—my maleness within a Christian framework. He was concerned that by going to Reading, I would establish and reinforce my identity through a sexual framework by being with and talking to other homosexuals, day in and day out. I thought Perry’s concerns were legitimate, but my ship named “Identity” had already set sail.