Nothing in the world is quite like growing up a Seventh-day Adventist and then discovering you are gay.

We have always been taught that Christianity and being gay don't go together. This dilemma can be devastating to gay Seventh-day Adventists (SDAs) who find themselves in the torment of reconciling their sexual orientation with religious teachings.

Seventh-day Adventist Kinship International exists to help. We are here to share solutions others have found, to ease pain and to save lives. It is no longer necessary for anyone to struggle alone.

Kinship members are primarily Seventh-day Adventists who happen to be lesbian, gay men, bisexual or transgender, including many who were asked to leave the church or left because they felt condemned and unwelcome. (Note: The abbreviation LGBT is often used to reference the community of lesbian, gay men, bisexual and transgender people. The word gay is also often used alone to reference this group of people.)

Our membership also includes heterosexual Seventh-day Adventists, parents of gays, and others who are sympathetic to our concerns. We endeavor to be inclusive whenever possible. We are a naturally diverse group with a wide range of Christian experiences, self-acceptance and expression.

Kinship's message is different from traditional church view. Together with a growing number of Adventist pastors, teachers and other church members, we believe gay Christians are wholly loved and accepted by our Creator. This is not a message of mere convenience. It is a message well studied and consistent with scripture.

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What does the Bible say about being gay?

For most heterosexuals, the teaching that homosexuality is a sin presents no problem, so they often see little reason to give the subject much thought. Many of them, victims of widespread ignorance on the subject, believe that being gay is merely a difficult habit to be overcome. They fail to comprehend the extreme consequences and implications such teaching has for the life of Christians who discover they have a different sexual orientation.

For gay people, there is a compelling reason to give the subject a great deal of study. Eternal damnation is too serious a consequence to merely rely on "what we've always been taught." One could hold the view that being gay is not a sin as long as homosexual acts are not performed. But the result, a life of celibacy and loneliness, is also too serious to simply rely on what we have always been told.

Many Seventh-day Adventist Christians, from laypeople to seminary professors, have studied the Bible texts often believed to be about homosexual acts and conclude that what the Bible doesn't say is as important as what it does say. The Bible clearly speaks against lust in any form, but above all it does not condemn, or even mention, homosexuality as a sexual orientation.

After studying and praying about the issue, most Seventh-day Adventist Christians, learn the following important points about the Bible and sexual orientation:

	The Bible never mentions homosexuality or sexual orientation.
	The six Bible passages used against gay people (Genesis 19:5, Leviticus 18:22 & 20:13, Romans 1:26-27, I Corinthians 6:9, I Timothy 1:9-10) are incorrectly translated and used out of context to hurt people not found in the original text.
	Bible languages of Hebrew and Greek had no word for homosexual, sex or for romantic love.
	The use of the Bible to condemn gay people violates theological and scientific principles of translation and interpretation. It is theologically and academically unsound, indefensible, irresponsible and ignorant.
	Jesus never mentioned homosexuality. If it is the grave sin many claim it is, certainly he would have devoted at least a portion of his important teachings and lessons to this topic-but he does not.
	The Bible repeatedly demonstrates God's love, care and acceptance of all outcast, rejected, misunderstood and alienated people.

A discussion of the moral and ethical issues and the Bible texts relating to this subject is beyond the scope of this page. However, we invite you to request a copy of a study written by a Seventh-day Adventist physician that addresses this important topic.

There are also many books written about this subject and information found online. We encourage you to review our list of resources related to this and other subjects.

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What does church leader Ellen G. White say?

Most people are aware that Jesus never said anything about homosexuality, but many Seventh-day Adventists erroneously assume that early church leader Ellen G. White did address it.

Using the Comprehensive Index of her writings, many have carefully studied every published reference she makes to each of the Bible texts that people often use to condemn gay people. Nowhere does she relate any of these texts to homosexuality. She is also not quoted on this issue within the Seventh-day Adventist Church Manual.

The most obvious place where Mrs. White may have condemned homosexuality is in her chapter titled The Destruction of Sodom, in "Patriarchs and Prophets." Still, she is silent on the subject. While it remains popular today to claim that God destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah because of homosexuality, there is no Biblical basis for it, and Ellen White's published writings do not support it. Her mention of the vile passions of the infamous crowd in the story does not receive superlative emphasis over the numerous other sins she specifically names.

Thankfully, a growing number of Christian pastors and speakers-both SDAs and those with other denominations-no longer use the story of Sodom and Gomorrah to mistreat gay people. Most have come to understand that it is actually a lesson about inhospitality.

Kinship believes the Bible does not condemn or even mentions homosexuality as a sexual orientation and that Ellen White's writings do not parallel any of the Bible texts often used to condemn gay people. Most of the anguish imposed upon God's gay children has its roots in a misunderstanding of what the Bible says.

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How do I know if I'm gay or lesbian?

If you are just beginning to realize you may be gay but are confused and uncertain, it may be useful to look for indications or signs that you may have ignored or rationalized away until now.

Consider, for example, whether your secret crushes have usually been on people of your own gender.

If you think you might be gay, ask yourself the following questions. Your answers may not necessarily identify your sexual orientation, but they may be helpful:

	When you dream about or long for a relationship with someone, does it involve someone of your same gender?
	Have you ever had a crush or been in love with someone of your same gender?
	Do you feel different from your friends and family who are in relationships with people of the opposite gender?
	Are your feelings for those of the same gender true and clear?
	Do you feel that a person of the same gender is the only one able to meet your need for companionship, love and sharing?

Many of us can remember when there were virtually no books on the subject of being gay. Daily newspapers dared not even print the word homosexual. And Kinship did not exist. In those days most people grew up thinking gay people were depraved child molesters and sex abusers. Knowing we are not that, some of us managed to go for years not realizing we were, indeed, gay.

Coming to that realization--to say nothing of deciding what to do about it--was often a long, painful and very lonely experience. It was common for one to suppose that he or she was the only person in the world--or at least the only SDA--with such confusing, unnamed feelings.

Reaching an understanding of your sexuality in such isolation can have serious negative results. If it occurs after you already make important decisions like marriage and a career, it's not uncommon to look back at this time as wasted effort, misdirected energy and a period of general unhappiness-not only for you but also for those who have shared your life.

If coming out to yourself occurs while living with family or in an SDA academy or college, you're also likely to face life-limiting fear, loneliness and depression, which can be seriously debilitating and even life threatening.

We encourage you to come to an understanding of your sexuality and sexual orientation. It is one of the foundational elements of life that can and should be reconciled.

Many people who did not have the advantage of early self-understanding are beginning to face the fact they are gay in mid-life or later. For them, difficult and urgent questions need to be considered.

Some of our members have come to grips with the fact they are gay from within a marriage of many years. Some married without realizing they were gay or what that meant. Others did so because they believed marriage would help them change. If this is your situation, Kinship offers a caring response.

One of us with a similar experience similar to yours can help you think through your options. We know that these issues are not easy to resolve.

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What about change as an option?

It is not unusual to want to change when a person discovers his or her true sexual orientation. After all, it is not easy to reconcile deeply cherished beliefs, goals and life plans with a seemingly incompatible sexual orientation that occurs without choosing it. The questions of choice and change, however, don't involve what one's sexual orientation will be, but how one accommodates his or her given sexual orientation.

A very small percentage of gay people either decide to remain celibate or to assimilate a heterosexual lifestyle-often through marriage-and have been able to do so.

For the vast majority, attempts to suppress their natural sexual orientation for a sustained period have proven unfulfilling and counterproductive, if not impossible. For some, investigating the possibility of change is important for our development and understanding, but almost all of us eventually come to accept ourselves as we are, rejoicing in the sexuality that is natural for us. We are gay as well has happy, gay as well as Christian.

On this topic, the American Psychological Association states that scientific evidence does not show that conversion therapy works and that it can do more harm than good. Changing one's sexual orientation is not simply a matter of changing one's sexual behavior. It would require altering one's emotional, romantic and sexual feelings and restructuring one's self-concept and social identity.

Regardless of your decision, please know that we will support you if you decide an attempt to change is the right approach for you. You might be amazed by how closely you are able to identify with our members who traveled this road to self-understanding.

We believe and hope you feel a great Kinship by relating to others who struggled with similar issues.

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