How do I know if I'm gay or lesbian?

If you are just beginning to realize you may be gay but are confused and uncertain, it may be useful to look for indications or signs that you may have ignored or rationalized away until now.

Consider, for example, whether your secret crushes have usually been on people of your own gender.

If you think you might be gay, ask yourself the following questions. Your answers may not necessarily identify your sexual orientation, but they may be helpful:

	When you dream about or long for a relationship with someone, does it involve someone of your same gender?
	Have you ever had a crush or been in love with someone of your same gender?
	Do you feel different from your friends and family who are in relationships with people of the opposite gender?
	Are your feelings for those of the same gender true and clear?
	Do you feel that a person of the same gender is the only one able to meet your need for companionship, love and sharing?

Many of us can remember when there were virtually no books on the subject of being gay. Daily newspapers dared not even print the word homosexual. And Kinship did not exist. In those days most people grew up thinking gay people were depraved child molesters and sex abusers. Knowing we are not that, some of us managed to go for years not realizing we were, indeed, gay.

Coming to that realization--to say nothing of deciding what to do about it--was often a long, painful and very lonely experience. It was common for one to suppose that he or she was the only person in the world--or at least the only SDA--with such confusing, unnamed feelings.

Reaching an understanding of your sexuality in such isolation can have serious negative results. If it occurs after you already make important decisions like marriage and a career, it's not uncommon to look back at this time as wasted effort, misdirected energy and a period of general unhappiness-not only for you but also for those who have shared your life.

If coming out to yourself occurs while living with family or in an SDA academy or college, you're also likely to face life-limiting fear, loneliness and depression, which can be seriously debilitating and even life threatening.

We encourage you to come to an understanding of your sexuality and sexual orientation. It is one of the foundational elements of life that can and should be reconciled.

Many people who did not have the advantage of early self-understanding are beginning to face the fact they are gay in mid-life or later. For them, difficult and urgent questions need to be considered.

Some of our members have come to grips with the fact they are gay from within a marriage of many years. Some married without realizing they were gay or what that meant. Others did so because they believed marriage would help them change. If this is your situation, Kinship offers a caring response.

One of us with a similar experience similar to yours can help you think through your options. We know that these issues are not easy to resolve.